How long is too long?
When does
skill and efficacy
slip
into
too comfortable—
the yoga pants
of professional life?
When does challenge
cross the line
from novel and inventive
into
the kind of hard
that is just busy—
no longer
stretching my skills,
no longer
pushing me to grow
in the way
I need to grow
in order to be myself?
Is it really about time at all?
What work
is the right work?
It’s all important. . .
but I’m discovering
that it’s no longer
all important
to me.
Is that selfish. . .
or is it a sign
that it has been
too long,
that it is not
the right work?
I am numb
to repetition,
to unproductive patterns
of behavior
that serve adults
and not kids.
(Numb is terrifying,
because numb is not me.)
Is this just the pandemic talking?
Am I in the right headspace
to make big decisions?
(Absolutely not.)
And yet. . .
The well-worn path
is not the one
I long to tread—
even if I
blazed that path
myself.
Every day in the month of March I am writing as a part of the Slice of Life Challenge on Two Writing Teachers Blog. Join us!
I, too have had the “is this me or the pandemic talking” conversation with myself. I’m hopeful writing helps make space for clarity. Let’s do coffee soon.
Your words resonated with me today, Amy. One thing I love so much is the notion that as we grow and change, so does our definition of difficult, or comfortable. Even those paths we blaze ourselves, and congratulate ourselves at one point for forging, become tired and comfortable. It’s the mark, I think, of a reflective teacher. We may have an ideal picture in our heads of the “there” we wish to reach in our practice, but let’s be honest. There IS no “there.” Once we know more, we see further. And yes, the yoga pants of comfortable practices are nice to be in every so often. But the push (especially from within) is much more rewarding…
I am printing this and plan to read it over and over and over again. It has me thinking new thoughts, wondering new wonderings, making new plans. I do wonder…Is this the pandemic, or is it more? You have me thinking it is more.
Wow—what a tremendous compliment. Thank you. I hope your writing is helping you to work through things in the way it is helping me. I know having a community like this to share with is important as we wrestle with this year.
Running to School 
I fully get “The kind of hard that is just busy- no longer pushing myself…”, I’m sure it resonates with so many of us!
LikeLiked by 1 person
“No longer stretching myself..”
LikeLike
wow…lots of reflection and questioning life in this poem.
This stanza stuck out to me:
It’s all important. . .
but I’m discovering
that it’s no longer
all important
to me.
I’ve often wondered the same thing…
LikeLiked by 1 person
I relate to so much of this. I question my work in a regular basis and wonder what else I can do. How can I make a difference?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Lots to think about, and your last line leaves me thinking. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I, too have had the “is this me or the pandemic talking” conversation with myself. I’m hopeful writing helps make space for clarity. Let’s do coffee soon.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, please!
LikeLike
Your words resonated with me today, Amy. One thing I love so much is the notion that as we grow and change, so does our definition of difficult, or comfortable. Even those paths we blaze ourselves, and congratulate ourselves at one point for forging, become tired and comfortable. It’s the mark, I think, of a reflective teacher. We may have an ideal picture in our heads of the “there” we wish to reach in our practice, but let’s be honest. There IS no “there.” Once we know more, we see further. And yes, the yoga pants of comfortable practices are nice to be in every so often. But the push (especially from within) is much more rewarding…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes—so true!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I am printing this and plan to read it over and over and over again. It has me thinking new thoughts, wondering new wonderings, making new plans. I do wonder…Is this the pandemic, or is it more? You have me thinking it is more.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wow—what a tremendous compliment. Thank you. I hope your writing is helping you to work through things in the way it is helping me. I know having a community like this to share with is important as we wrestle with this year.
LikeLike